Don’t take a man shopping

Sent by one of our customers,

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s trolleys when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3″ in housewares….. and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the “Madonna look” using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed “NO! NO! It’s those voices again.”

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here.”

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager

Made me smile.

The Burning Crusade

Well.. I was tempted not to buy it after finding out I couldn’t get a collector’s edition. Add that to the lag problems we had since the last major patch.. but I went ahead and bought it the day it came out <shame>. So far, I’m very impressed.

I spent my first night in Silvermoon. And now return there nearly every night. Eversong is amazingly beautiful, Silvermoon is simply stunning. It seems a little big, and is confusing at first, but after a few nights, I soon found my way around. It’s very practical, easy layout, and each inn links to two sectors of the city, a door each side. There are two inns, two banks, two auctionhouses, countless mailboxes. The architecture is amazing, very grand. It looks more like a city than any of the others. Darnassus is a temple in a forest, Ironforge..is..well..a forge. Orgrimmar and Thunderbluff are very crude..barbaric cities. And Undercity a mouldering ruin. Stormwind is lovely, it looks like a city..but next to Silvermoon, it’s a hamlet. Even the ruins of Silvermoon are beautiful. And there’s so much scope for RP! There’s benches everywhere, little hidey holes, places under trees to sit, around fountains. And plenty of seating and bars at the inns. Although, the inns are slightly reminscent of a harem. Which of course, means people will use it as one. I have caught countless people ‘cybering’ at the two Silvermoon inns. Crude, badly spelt, highly amusing cyber. I would post screenshots but I’m not entirely sure about the TOC of WordPress regarding that.

I, to my immense shame, yet strange satisfaction, rolled a blood elf mage. Blood elves are slim, attractive, horribly annoying. Blizzard have done them extremely well. They are so..can’t be arsed, too good for you, y’know? Their salute is so insolent. Kind of like..yeah..I saluted..are you happy now? Same goes for bowing. Their crying is very false..and when they eat and drink, they hold out their pinkies!  It’s the little details like that, that really make a game..

Haven’t really had a chance to play Draenei yet, but they do look like fun. I can’t wait to look around. I’ve just been so caught up in Silvermoon, and the influx of new RPers.

Shorel’aran my friends

Stupid Injuries

One of our regulars sent us this e-mail Monday:

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

And finally…
In 2000 8 Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Yeah, sure.. I’m proud to be called British. Not. Reading things like this makes me ashamed to be even called human. What is it about humanity that we can make mistakes of such monumental stupidity? You just have to look at the Darwin Awards to see some much better examples. We had a candidate here for the Darwin Awards just this last fortnight.

One eyewitness has told how James Gibbs, 15, was leaning out from the platform and was spitting on the track when he was struck by a train.

He died in hospital after surgery for head injuries after the incident on Thursday afternoon.

Natural selection in action.

Now I’m very sorry he got killed and all..but what kind of idiot sticks his head in the path of an oncoming train? They don’t exactly sneak up on you.

Sometime last year there was a report on household injuries. Something like several hundred people are injured each year because they try to iron their clothes while wearing them. How thick do you have to be? Iron = hot.

I decided to look up household injuries in the UK, and was amazed at some of the silly ones.

• Nearly 800 people a year are injured in accidents involving sponges and loofahs What? Beaten to death with a sponge? Tried to eat it?
• And 10,773 are hurt each year in accidents involving socks and tights - Okay, a little more understandable..but still
• 1,810 people walking into tree trunks or cutting their hands on them - How hard is it to not see a tree? Very, apparantly
• Incidents involving bird baths accounted for 311 trips to casualty
• 3,421 people are injured annually in accidents involving clothes baskets
• It is hard to see trousers as lethal weapons, but they caused an astonishing 5,137 injuries, 2,168 of which apparently incurred while pursuing “leisure” activities.
• Even underwear accounted for more than 400 and sunglasses for 450.
• Flowerpots may look harmless but, somehow, 3,984 of them managed to injure people badly enough to cause a visit to the accident and emergency department in 1998. And this figure does not include the 3,000 or so injured by plant tubs and troughs.
• An estimated 4,900 accidents in 1998, for instance, involved bread and sandwiches, and 508 had something to do with ice-cream – although, sadly, the figures do not reveal exactly what.
• Strangest of all, about 20 or so accidents were caused by tea cosies and a further 20 were thought to have had something to do with table napkins.

Sources: The Telegraph, BBC

I wish I could find a recording of the the BBC News 24 report.. there were many, much funnier than this. The reporter couldn’t keep a straight face. I wonder how many of these are just..from having very little luck. And how many are through sheer stupidity. I fear there’s more of the last. They need to start putting chlorine in the gene pool.